Bananaworld

graffitii Where: third cubicle from the right, fifth floor toilets, Central Criminal Court, Old Bailey, London "ELVIS LIVES IN COURT NUMBER 1" "NO I DON'T!"

22.8.06 09:14 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

"...the point of me..." None of the attributes I display are considered of worth by this society that places its values entirely elsewhere, thereby ultimately making me valueless to society. None of the articles this society has to offer are considered of worth by me who places my values elsewhere entirely, thereby effectively making this society pointless to me. Logically either "me" or "this society" must be flawed, but which is it? It's me, isn't it.

27.4.06 23:36 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

What to do what to do what to do Well, what I really want to do, if I only had the time, is play all of these computer games: UFO: Enemy Unknown Worlds of Ultima: The Savage Empire Transport Tycoon Theme Park Red Alert 2 (LAN multiplayer...) Mariocart (on the SNES!) Commandos Civilization (I through IV, but especially II) Worms (original; multiplayer) Frontier: Elite II Those were the days, those happy, geeky days...     Friends, relatives, visitors and I have eaten our way through over 900 Weetabix since I took up residence in this flat in June last year. Tasty. BTW, Weetabix are made in Kettering which is also where Alpro (UK) is based so my soya milk dampened wheat cereal breakfasts originate almost entirely from Northamptonshire. I suspect, however, the bananas do not come from Windward Isles, N'hants.     Here is a Venn Diagram of my current employment dilemma: As you can see the major problem with a Venn of my potential employment future is that there is no overlap betwen the two areas (prompting questions as to whether it constitutues a true Venn Diagram) with the further minor problem that the jobs I would like to do occupy a far smaller area (not to scale) than the... erm, other area. You know what I really want to do? I quite fancy working as a bike mechanic for a couple of days a week to get my bike fix (boom boom) and then spending a few days a week doing some worthwhile voluntary work. So many people get paid stupid amounts of money for doing nothing and I really don't want to join them so I figure the furthest I can possibly get from them is to do something and get paid nothing (fiscally). [abrupt sound of phonograph needle being jogged across and off the disc, representing a return to the perceived 'real' world] Unfortunately this ideal situation, the 'first circle', is unlikely to become a reality due to the pressures of getting a job that is reaslistic, sustainable & financially sound: the 'second circle'. Just in case you were wondering where my current job fits into the above Venn, it definitely occupies a space in another circle (not shown; which also contains jobs such as double-glazing-salesman, warehouse labourer & newspaperboy) labelled 'Jobs I'll Never Do Again'.The universal set outside of all circles contains jobs such as accountant, lawyer, banker, financial advisor, & estate agent which, mark these words carefully for they are true, I will never do. I have come to realise that my dream job will never happen and that I must fit into the world and join my fellow minions in slogging the daily grind doing a job I don't want to do simply to earn enough money to have the sort of life I am expected to have. Gee, life's great! Let's get a-job-applying!

25.4.06 01:44 Permalink / comment

Blast From The Past! Around April 2002 I was working for Hillier Nurseries in their propagation department. It was a little dull but the people made the day go quickly and we had a laugh that summer. Anyway, that April Hillier's launched a foxglove called Digitalis 'Saltwood Summer' that was marketed to be "the next big thing". In preparation for this promotion there was quite a lot of sodding foxgloves in pots knocking around - 12,000 or so... For two days, everyone that worked for Hillier's in Ampfield was employed with going through these plants to tidy off dead leaves and stick labels in the pots. It wasn't much fun, couldn't even dick around as much. Guess what turned up on last week's Hillier delivery to Grovelands together with a promo board? Yup: Mixed emotions, to say the least.

1.4.06 02:27 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

On a windy day... Why oh why oh why oh why does drag have to increase with the square of air velocity???

10.3.06 00:12 Permalink / comment

Scared for life A couple of weeks ago I had an experience that scared me. I might go so far as to say it was the most scary thing to ever happen to me. It wasn't spooky or mysterious and was over in a fraction of a second but I will never forget the feeling of fear-induced adreneline telling me that that was a close one. Quite simply I was pootling across Hyde Park Corner when a mahoossive coach bound for Oxford overtook me at great speed literally inches from the right hand end of my handlebars. I get overtaken by motor veehickles on a pretty much constant basis but this was different. The suddenness of its approach & pass made me jump though it was the feeling of what-might-have-happened immediately following within a second that really got my heart fluttering and made my arms weak and my stomach sick. I thought I'd recount a couple of the other fearful monents of my life. The interesting thing is that I found them scary for very different reasons... When I was about fourteen I went potholing down an ancient iron ore mine in the Forest Of Dean.  It was amazing to be in a perfectly dark place with just our helmet lights for illumination. We scrambled up, over, around and through; completely unlike any other cave experience I'd had; some of the tunnels had to be crawled through on our bellies with the ceiling grazing our helmets. One such passage required a turn from feet to head-first and then a left-hand/vertical wriggle up a tiny vein in the rock. The adults in the party with us were advised to take an alternatice route...! I was crawling up when I became wedged. My shoulders, hips & battery-pack were all stuck fast. At first it wasn't a concern as instinct took over: when confined in such a way, such as in a bear-hug, our instinctive reaction is to expand and force out our shoulders & arms. That was when the fear hit. My shoulders & arms encountered no give at all. Well, how could they? The realisation hit that I was surrounded by the Earth, by completely unmoveable rock and that no amount of struggling would be able to loosen the grip it had on me. A year-and-a-bit ago I entered the first of my two downhill races. It wasn't down the side of a massive mountain or anything, just a vaguely descending bit of Kent with a run that would be finished in a little over a minute. Penshurst features a bigish & slightly rickety start ramp to get the downhill going with riders starting their descents as soon as the previous rider has crossed the finish line. It was at the top of this ramp that I had my biggest ever attack of the butterflies. I've had butterflies a few times, usually down to there being people around watching me 'perform' at something. The difference was that where bashing my bongoes with Voodoo Alien carries with it the penalty of ridicule should I mess up, getting it wrong whilst racing involves not only the risk of peoples' disdain but the very real danger of using my face as a brake. I think it was the waiting that really did it: waiting there at the top of the ramp knowing that the "go" is coming at any second shortly followed by a minute of my life where getting it tits-up is not an option. On the subject of anticipatory fear, this was one of the worst cases I've ever had! How hard can a phone call be to make?? ;-)

28.2.06 23:17 Permalink / comment

Kicking off the new category! This blog is usually about current affairs (not worldly current affairs, just things going on in my little life) which doesn't leave much room for me to scribble down events from the past; either before this blog's inception, or just things that weren't recorded at the time. How am I gonna remember this stuff when my brain is jellificationified? Exactly! I won't. And so we turn to the everlasting omnipotence that is the Internet. Hoorah. (Nota bene - Other random stuff  will sneak its way into here and the sheer volume of junk & events-only-relevant-to-me may well render this category a wee bit dull. You bin warned.) #1 - Gatwick Airport & The Orange Brompton: An Inseperable Union I've been to Gatwick Airport three times in the last year. The first time was when Rich dropped me off there on the 15th of May on the way back from the L2B Mini Run for me to catch a train home. Less than a week later, on the 20th of May, I was back at Gatwick. The HQ of Evans Cycles is just a couple of miles away and I was there for a day's training from (coincidentally) Brompton on the subject of their new range of (extremely shiny) bikes. A couple of months later I journeyed to Gatwick to meet Emily as she returned from a weekend in Edinburgh (and discovered that Gatwick Airport has no fresh flower vendors). So what? Well, on none of these occasions did I arrive or leave by heavier-than-air flight but on EVERY occasion I found myself there with my Orange Brompton. Who needs a passport? And whilst I'm on the subject of Evans let's etch down about the time I went for Garmin GPS & Memory Map training at the Royal Geographical Society. What a fun day off work that was! I turned up at this posh building in Kensington to be confronted by hordes of Evans employees' hack bikes chained up all over the place, heh heh heh. We, and a few peeps from other outdoorsy-type shops (Blacks, Cotswold, etc.), were there to have a new system that we'd be selling demonstrated to us (and to eat their biscuits & drink their oh-jay). After a long introduction we were turned loose in Kensington Gardens to have thrust upon us the awesome power of GPS. We wandered around in the drizzle for a bit, didn't get lost and were suitably awed. Good fun, and I bought a GPS unit that very day. [[Random stuff alert!]] Ignore the rest of this entry, it's just a public service exercise. I can't find the lyrics for this rather good tune anywhere on the internet so here they are, transcribed for your plaisir: Cast - Hold On lyrics When I turn to recognise you, Well I could not see the sun was in my eyes And I turn to try and tell you, But I could not speak the words they locked inside She said hold on, hold on, just hold on to me She said hold on, hold on, just hold on to me Hold on to me if you can When I turn to look towards you Well I could not see the world was in my eyes When I try to think about you Well I could not think the world turns in my mind She said hold on, hold on, just hold on to me She said hold on, hold on, just hold on to me Hold on to me if you can Hold on, hold on Hold on, ho-old on Hold on to me x14 Hold on to me to me to me to me... [[Warned y'all it'd get random!]]

9.2.06 01:20 Permalink / comment