Bananaworld

Seek ye my lonely road elsewhere, earthling.

Go figure. 

Oh shite, what have I done??????????????????????????

Super panic stations. I may have just done the stupidest thing ever and it very likely will end in pain and self-punishment. Fookadoodledo. Crepe. Wonk. Beach. Arts. Ballacks. Or, just plain SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, time to calm down & think of other things...

So, 2007. It's not going too badly so far. I was perhaps a little harsh on ol' 2006 in my last entry but it did deserve it slightly as there was some major lows that some nice highs never really seemed to fill in for. Ho hum.

This year has had some lows already, but it's had some highs, but the higher the high the further the plunge into lowness.

This evening's deed doesn't help matters. Why must I be so irresponsibly idiotic? I lead myself into wells of unhappiness by doing mindless things. Aaaaagh!

Well, let's see how it all pans out.

I wish I could be happy again :-) 

What a rubbish year 2006 was. I mean, sure, it had its highlights, but a lot of the time it was just rather miserable.

[Couldn't find any pictures that summed it up for me]

Bring on twenty-oh-seven, it can't be any worse!

There's, like, 1440 minutes in a day and they all fly by like migrating robins without leaving me so much as a blackberry-coloured dropping. Where do they go?

I work a bit, turn over a few sods down the allotment for a few hours a week, ride my bike here and there; all of which doesn't really take up 1440 x 7 (sorry, 24 x 60 stretched me enough at this time of the night...) but still there doesn't seem to be enough time.

There's not even time to put up some quick stories and some pretty pictures to illustrate them. I have to get on with the business of making ends meet and such like.

Done some cool stuff lately but not enough and definitely not enough of the riding my bike here and there without it being amongst fattie-bastard cars.

Give me the time!

EDIT (a bit later on):

Do you think I should find something new to rant about? Yeah? Well, tough, I ain't got the time. 

22nd of August, twenty-oh-six 

Oh 'nads, where to restart after lawd-knows-how-many-months 'recess'?

Yup, oi've been plenty slack of late and this good ol' blog of mine has suffered somewhat. Actually, that's something of a lie, I haven't been very slack at all, I've been running around like a mad cycling weirdo from A to B, then back to A, with numerous detours to C through Z and beyond along the way.

Gonna take this rehabilitation slowly, one section at a time, gradually drip-feeding in news and anecdotes as and when I have a mo here and there. Let's get some news out of the way first of all:

Back in London - Oh yes, I've moved back to the leafy (dried up) 'burbs of West London with much time spent in the greenlands down Sahf with Emily.

Interruption - Emily - Blimey, she's very cool! I'm a very, very lucky chap :-)

Resumption - Back in London - I spend lots and lots of time commuting between UB, SM, SE and until recently, EC. Newsworthy events of late have been:

Jury Service - I was randomly called up to fulfil one of my public duties and rocked up at the hotest court in the land with about ten hundred other randomly confused would-be-jurors at the beginning of July. Spent a week not being randomly selected for juries until I was finally amongst a sporting twelve. We had a long and complicated murder trial to sit through - it was pretty nasty - before we retired to be randomly locked in a room for a week to deliberate. 'Lucky' me got to be the jury foreman so had to keep the rabble of (it must be said, pretty cool) fellow jurors on course. Eventually we reached our verdists. Then I got to do one of the most nerve-racking things little me's ever done; deliver the verdicts to the court. Not pleasant.

Anyway, it's over now and all the time it took up has been returned to me to spend as I see fit.

Wedding - Luke & Sarah got married a couple of weeks ago! Hearty congratulations to them :-) It was a really beautiful event and I enjoyed myself a lot. (My slightly querky transport & accomodation will be recounted in 'Bicycling' v soon...)

Time's ticking away and it's time to go to work. Oh yeah...

Work - Rather obviously no longer at the mighty G-lands as the commute from Greenford to Shinfield would be somewhat prolonged so my year there ended with the end of the tennancy on my Reading penthouse apartment. So I'm... back at Evans! Unbelivably I'm working back at The Cut but crucially not as a sales assistant again (I could never handle that again) but this time in the workshop as a mechanic. Finally, a job I look forward to going to. Let's see how it goes...

Emily - Have I mentioned just how grrrrreat Emily is and how wonderfully happy she makes me? She's a good laugh too :-))))

Tha's enough for now, methinks, I'll be back...

31-Aug-06

Red light = stop.

Simple isn't it? A traffic light is red so you stop at it. I mean, what could be harder? Personally I don't have a problem with this concept, and I studied horticulture for kryzakes, which is hardly rocket science!

Realising that a traffic light is red and stopping at it is a simple business, we've figured that much out. So why is it (and you know where I'm going with this...) that SO many people have a problem with it? Why do most cyclists (and I really do mean the majority!) simply ignore these red signals? I see it EVERYDAY and it bugs and scares me.

I understand that traffic lights are infuriating, especially at a pelican crossing devoid of pedestrians but running red lights simply makes all other road users disrespect cyclists even more thereby furthering the perceived "bad name" that we have to bear.

On a scarier note: this disregard for red lights contributes to the bad habits of other road users. Pedestrians have ignored the little red man since he first appeared and everyone knows that can be extremely annoying and very dangerous but there is a far more worrying trend appearing. I was discussing this with a colleague who agrees that red lights must not be run and he mentioned that he's seen more and more motorcyclists jump reds. He reckons this is due to the precedent set by cyclists. I see it a lot, and not just beginner pizza delivery mopedders, even cars run reds a lot.

You think there'd be a law against running reds. Oh wait...

Funny story! I sometimes shout at fellow cyclists when they run red lights and one guy reacted most comically. He went straight through on a red so I said "Woah! Careful! It's red!" I admit, quite sarcastically. He turned and gave me the finger along with "Fuck off! Wanker!" I common with all these people that run red lights, I then caught him at the next set, which he couldn't run.

"That was a little harsh!"

"Fuck off, fascist." (Me? A fascist?????)

"Pardon?"

"What right do you ahve to tell me what to do?"

"I didn't! Running red lights is against the law."

"So? I choose when to break the law. It's my choice!"

"Eh...?!??!"

"If I didn't run red lights I wouldn't get to work on time."

Let's, at this point, just insert a couple of quotes fom convicted felons:

"If I didn't rape people I wouldn't get any sex."

"If I didn't rob banks I wouldn't have any money."

"If I didn't commit genocide my race wouldn't be pure."

Ok, these examples are in a totally different league, but his was a rubbish excuse for breaking the law.

My message to fellow cyclists who run red lights:

"Don't do it, just get faster, it's much more satisfying."

Where: third cubicle from the right, fifth floor toilets, Central Criminal Court, Old Bailey, London

"ELVIS LIVES IN COURT NUMBER 1"

"NO I DON'T!"

I popped back to good ol' Evans Cycles Waterloo Cut today to see some of the gang. It was jolly good to see them but mildly upsetting too. They recounted some of their latest trips and what the summer has coming up. I haven't been riding for a very long time and that's 'bad'. I remember back then when I used to go riding A LOT and it was 'good'. Hopefully a move back to London will mean more free time, less tiredness and more oppourtunites to get out in the hills. I want to do stoopid stuff off-road and do many miles on-road with an overloaded bike. In fact, I want to be back here:

Might this have been the last time I was truly free?

Don't be silly, I'm free everytime I'm on my bike! Certainly when compared to the space-craving fools in their masive metal boxes. Yesterday I was properly weathered (snigger) on the way home from work with 'torrential' rain and hailstones that stung any exposed flesh. I was wet-through in minutes but cruising through the traffic jams, as normal, all I could do was laugh manically. MWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ah, the feeling of being truly 'connected' to the world...

Yes, cycling is the answer. I'm sure regular riding and cycling trips to Wales, Scotland, Peaks 'n' Lakes & maybe France would cure all ills.

"So, why are you indoors, writing this when it's an extremely gorgeous day outside and should really be riding?"

(Gotta wait for a man to come fix my shower. Buggerit.)

Get a ride, George, & get a damn life!

None of the attributes I display are considered of worth by this society that places its values entirely elsewhere, thereby ultimately making me valueless to society.

None of the articles this society has to offer are considered of worth by me who places my values elsewhere entirely, thereby effectively making this society pointless to me.

Logically either "me" or "this society" must be flawed, but which is it?

It's me, isn't it.

• UFO: Enemy Unknown
  
• Worlds of Ultima: The Savage Empire
  
• Transport Tycoon
  
• Theme Park
  
• Red Alert 2 (LAN multiplayer...)
  
• Mariocart (on the SNES!)
  
• Commandos
  
• Civilization (I through IV, but especially II)
  
• Worms (original; multiplayer)
  
• Frontier: Elite II

Those were the days, those happy, geeky days...

Friends, relatives, visitors and I have eaten our way through over 900 Weetabix since I took up residence in this flat in June last year. Tasty.

BTW, Weetabix are made in Kettering which is also where Alpro (UK) is based so my soya milk dampened wheat cereal breakfasts originate almost entirely from Northamptonshire. I suspect, however, the bananas do not come from Windward Isles, N'hants.

Here is a Venn Diagram of my current employment dilemma:

As you can see the major problem with a Venn of my potential employment future is that there is no overlap betwen the two areas (prompting questions as to whether it constitutues a true Venn Diagram) with the further minor problem that the jobs I would like to do occupy a far smaller area (not to scale) than the... erm, other area.

You know what I really want to do? I quite fancy working as a bike mechanic for a couple of days a week to get my bike fix (boom boom) and then spending a few days a week doing some worthwhile voluntary work. So many people get paid stupid amounts of money for doing nothing and I really don't want to join them so I figure the furthest I can possibly get from them is to do something and get paid nothing (fiscally).

[abrupt sound of phonograph needle being jogged across and off the disc, representing a return to the perceived 'real' world]

Unfortunately this ideal situation, the 'first circle', is unlikely to become a reality due to the pressures of getting a job that is reaslistic, sustainable & financially sound: the 'second circle'.

Just in case you were wondering where my current job fits into the above Venn, it definitely occupies a space in another circle (not shown; which also contains jobs such as double-glazing-salesman, warehouse labourer & newspaperboy) labelled 'Jobs I'll Never Do Again'.The universal set outside of all circles contains jobs such as accountant, lawyer, banker, financial advisor, & estate agent which, mark these words carefully for they are true, I will never do.

I have come to realise that my dream job will never happen and that I must fit into the world and join my fellow minions in slogging the daily grind doing a job I don't want to do simply to earn enough money to have the sort of life I am expected to have.

Gee, life's great! Let's get a-job-applying!